We Took the Chance by Annette Markham

I would love to share a few thoughts with you, coming from someone who had a choice; dive head first into the pit of depression, or make a conscious effort every day to seek joy and live my best life. You see, my late husband wanted me to be happy. We had several years of serious medical issues with him, we nearly lost him 3 times. So I was blessed to have those uncomfortable conversations. I say blessed because I know that really brought me closure, and some people do not have that opportunity.

So I decided I wanted to live, I wanted to first love and honor myself for a change, and then seek out someone who would do the same.

When it was time--again, my grief started long before he was gone, but when I felt it was time to start looking again I put myself out there in online dating.

I created profiles that showed the ME that I was growing into, and it also mentioned the things that just would not fly with me. Each response from dating sites and FB dating as well, I checked out before replying... NO one is going to create a FB profile on Tuesday morning and start contacting matches Tuesday afternoon. Those people, who choose to prey on widows and widowers are pretty quick to identify, they have a new profile, they have maybe 17 friends, one picture, no posts, etc... The men often work in the oil field, or they are engineers, they may have just lost their wife and they have a teenage daughter, etc... but those things you do not hear about until you engage in conversations.

First look at their FB profile and do a google search on them!

After weeding through the muck.....have fun! Be safe, just as you would if you met someone at the grocery store...but put yourself out there. I hear so many warnings about dating sites, they are not all bad. You have to weed through the mud and the muck, but you know what??? I had to weed through a lot 25 years ago too. I talked to many gentlemen online, I met three in person for dates, and considered two of those three very qualified suiters---and they all three wanted to continue dating...then I met Bachelor #4 and my world changed.

Have fun, go on dates, engage in conversations---even long distance!

FLIRT---it makes you both feel good! Keep your pants on till you know it is right...that may be a long time from now, maybe a short time....most importantly have conversations! Text, phone video, and in person when you can!

Start a foundation of communication. I will tell you that I had a great marriage to my LH, but because of the loss and the situation it put me in, I decided to put the focus on building a strong, intimate, passionate, trusting foundation the next time around learning from past mistakes on two marriages. And there in the wings was a slightly younger man who had lost his wife 14 years ago. It just so happened that he decided it was the right time, just like I had. And we took the chance, guarded at first. We had hours and hours of conversation first and then met. And it has been fireworks ever since. We married at 7 months just 11 months after I lost my late husband. Neither of us knew it could be this good, we are pretty sure our late spouses played a part in it all.