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One of the biggest things I have had to learn recently is that you can't live in the past. Now, I will undoubtedly always have PTSD because of certain things. Things I don't talk to many people about.
A widow's journey is not an easy one. I see my therapist and deal with the things I need to deal with. I read about others' journeys dealing with mental health struggles, and the main thing I take from mine and everyone else's journey is that you can't live in the past.
In recent years I have struggled with living a life that no longer exists. Going through the motions of each day. I have struggled to move forward with life.
As widows and widowers, we tend to get trapped in a never-ending vortex. A place where we always want to reside, but no longer can.
I am in many widowed groups. Has it taken me longer than some to realize this? Sure. But not as long as others.
I am blessed with the ability to be able to share my story and to help others on this journey by giving them some encouragement. Some encouragement and advice that I have failed to use myself... But, I no longer want to live in the past. I no longer want to live a life "left out".
I have felt more alive this past month while spending time with my kids and grandkids and simply accomplishing things around the house than I have in the past 5 years.
My promise to myself is to not live in the past any longer. I no longer exist there. While my love of the past and everyone in it will never change it is time to move forward. To move forward to a better me, not just for me, but for my kids and grandkids as well.
To be the best me I can be. To face my mental health issues head-on, tackle them bravely, and never give up.
To all who have supported me and have shared your encouragement, you have no idea how much I appreciate each, and every one of you!
You have kids and grandkids and to an extent you can continue to live in the past through memory growing up with them. It's much, much harder if you don;t have that connection. I do have her brothers though who are still alive. I have narrowed all "what-if's" down to one. And I have seen her in heaven in a new body, that of a 26 year old in a happy scene with my mother preparing for a feast. The lord enabled me to interact with her. It was lovely and what I needed.
Another great, encouraging blog entry, Dulcie! Thank you, my friend. 🙂