"Hunting" by Andy Willoughby

Here I am wearing a flannel shirt and holding a borrowed gun. It is because I went hunting this morning. You tender hearts out there may be dismayed to hear that I shot 35 birds! Actually pigeons. It is even tamer than that as they were clay pigeons.

They look like a cross between a hockey puck and a frisbee so they don’t look like a bird at all. I don’t know why they are called clay pigeons.

We go out to the Ozark shooting club and Big Mike walks us around the hills stopping everyone fifty yards or so at a shooting station where they have machines that throw the “pigeons” out in front of you first one way and then the other and your job is to blow them to smithereens!

It is always satisfying to build something. It is also quite satisfying when you pull the trigger and watch one of those orange disks explode in thin air and you know you did it.

I had never been out on a shooting range before and I found loading the gun more difficult than shooting the orange spinners. That was a bit embarrassing but by the end of the day, I was loading like Rambo and shooting like his little sister. Sorry girls I am not stereotyping women as poor shots. I remember Annie Oakley and Lara Croft! However, in Rambo 35, his little sister shows up to push Rambo’s wheelchair and she is a terrible shot. Naturally, Rambo saves the day even though he runs out of bullets and has to load his gun with his dentures.

I had a suggestion to add this picture to my dating profile but I am not trying to attract men. The pictures people put on dating profiles are quite puzzling. The ladies tell me men are always posting pictures with fish, their hunting dog, a dead deer at their feet, or whatever. Repulsive to a lot of women. I notice women tend to display shots of their dogs, cats, the flowers in their backyard. Grandkids and kids. They say they are looking for a straight guy but posts pictures for the gentler sort. IDK why?

When a gal doesn’t add a full body shot so I can see her figure I assume she is too big to fit on the screen. Sorry girls guys want to see all of you. If she is big and posts a full body shot I like her honesty and read her profile story to see what else I might like about her. I ain’t perfect either.

Here is something else that amazes me the number of women who post pictures with their mouths puckered. It makes me wonder if her face is paralyzed or she is holding back a fart. Enough dating advice back to guns! I did pretty good shooting clay pigeons maybe next time I’ll shoot something I can eat like a stuffed artichoke.

(I always love it when you share my posts. For more of my stories go to andywilloughby.com)