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Feelings are impossible to define...except to others who have felt those same feelings. It's a bit like trying to define a color to a person who has never had sight. Imagine trying to describe a blue sky, red sunset, yellow flowers or anything else that cannot be touched to the blind one. No matter how gifted a person is in speaking, or how expert he is in a language, words cannot define a feeling to a person who "hasn't been there" or color to a blind man.
Remember your first crush on a member of the opposite sex? Recall those feelings? The rapid heartbeat... Weakness in the knees... Breathlessness... Feeling like you've been punched in the stomach? And jittery nerves? I would bet you've felt some, if not all, of those things at some point.
One who has not lost a spouse cannot understand what we feel and have felt. They think we should just 'move on' and 'get over it' as if we only had a headache and could take an aspirin, or Aleve, or some other pill. There is no quick fix to having your heart ripped open; healing will take time and will always leave a scar.
The first year after losing my wife, I walked around in a fog. Nothing seemed to matter. What difference does "whatever" make anyway? I had to end up putting my bills on bank drafts because I couldn't remember to pay them.
Now, nearly two years out, things are better. The fog has lifted a good bit, and the sun shines in now. I'm tired of the self-imposed loneliness and wanting to move forward. I know that other widows/widowers are feeling that way too. Right here, in this group, we may find the one we will spend the rest of our life with.